When Marion Hayden became a mother more than 30 years ago, the rising star in Detroit’s jazz scene knew some things in her life had to change.
The elite bassist who co-founded an all-women jazz group and graced the stage with greats like Nancy Wilson, Geri Allen, Steve Turre and George Benson, learned part of being a mother was adaptability.
When she had to travel for gigs in the 1990s and early 2000s, Hayden made it a family affair. She brought along her two sons Asukile and Tariq Gardner, husband M. Saffell Gardner and sometimes her mother, also named Marion Hayden.
“Sometimes I’d be rolling with a whole crew,” Hayden said. “There was an income sacrifice that went with that because nobody’s paying for you to bring your family. But I always had a free hotel room and we’ll just bunk up. When I was working, they (the family) could go to the pool, hang out. Those were fun times.”
In celebration of Mother’s Day, Hayden and fellow Detroiters DJ ameera haynes, artist Yvette Rock and Buffalo Prescott founder Samara Furlong shared stories with BridgeDetroit on the balance of raising children with their creative careers.
Having a life on the road can be addicting for artists, Hayden said, and it doesn’t leave much time for families.
“Our business is kind of funny. People get addicted to living out of suitcases and jumping out of planes and getting out of cars and whatnot,” she said. “Families don’t always work with that stuff and some musicians come home to find out they don’t have a family left. So, you have to think about those things.”
Sharing her world
For Hayden, who is this year’s Kresge Eminent Artist, one of the joys of being a professional musician is sharing her world with Asukile and Tariq and exposing them to new places and new people.
One of her favorite memories is capturing a picture of five-month-old Tariq with jazz drummer Max Roach, one of the pioneers of the bebop jazz genre.
“I couldn’t find a sitter, so I brought his little self along in a stroller for a soundcheck,” Hayden said. “I just gave him to Max and said, ‘Hey, Max, take a picture with my baby.’ It’s one of the greatest pictures I have, my youngest son in the arms of Max Roach.”
Hayden said she would not have had those kinds of experiences if she had a nine-to-five job. Hayden said she cherished the moments when she took Asukile and Tariq to school, brought a batch of cookies for their class, or took her sons to tutoring.
When it came to providing for her family, Hayden planned strategically.
In addition to her music career, she began teaching music classes at the University of Michigan, Michigan State University and Oakland University.
“I just had to be real strategic about things and be more creative about what my skill set was and how I could use that skill set in different areas,” Hayden said.
Hayden and Gardner, a painter and educator, have since passed their creative torches to their offspring. Asukile and Tariq, now 35 and 28, are a printmaker and drummer. When Hayden needs a drummer for a concert, sometimes Tariq will step in, she said.
Hayden is set to perform at 2 p.m. today during a Mother’s Day concert at Kerrytown Concert House in Ann Arbor. Afterward, she plans to unwind by having a cocktail and watching the Keke Palmer and SZA comedy, “One of Them Days.” Hayden hopes her husband and sons will have a seafood boil waiting for her when she gets home.
“That’s on the playlist, watching a Keke Palmer comedy and having a seafood boil,” she said. “And somebody’s cleaning up, but it’s not going to be me.”
Hey Ms. DJ
Juggling a creative career and kids is pretty new for haynes, who began her journey as a DJ a year ago. Like Hayden, the Detroiter brings her two kids, 11-year-old Wyatt and nine-year-old Nia, with her to gigs.
“They get to see what mom is doing at work when they’re not around,” said haynes. “They’re like, ‘My mom is so cool.’ And they think I’m famous for some reason.”
Like their mother, Wyatt and Nia are becoming interested in the arts. Wyatt enjoys origami and has shown an interest in DJing, while Nia likes to draw and sing. One of their favorite movies to watch together is the Disney animated musical, “The Princess and the Frog.”
“He’s (Wyatt) is going into middle school next year, so we’re already talking about band and orchestra, kind of figuring out what kind of instruments he wants to play. I think he wants to play the trumpet, so we’ll see what happens,” haynes said. “They listen to music all the time, every day, whether we’re in the car or at home together.”
As a single mom, it can be challenging for haynes when she can’t bring her children to a gig and has to find a sitter. As a working artist, she’s not always financially stable. But haynes said she’s a better, happier person when she’s playing music and that helps her to be a better mom.
“I’m not gonna lie, sometimes it gets a little existential in my brain where I’m like, ‘OK is this the right thing?’ she said. “I just have to have a lot of faith that this is my purpose and that I’ll be able to use the talents and gifts that God blessed me with. And have a lot of faith that in due time and with hard work… I’ll be able to be a little bit more financially stable and take care of them and give them all the extra things that I want to give them.”
Haynes’ Mother’s Day plans include taking Wyatt and Nia to lunch at Baobab Fare, ice cream at the downtown shop Milk and Froth and a walk along the Detroit RiverWalk if the weather is nice, she said.
“I’m sure I’ll get a card,” haynes said. “My daughter loves to make things, so she’s definitely going to make me something. When they’re young, Mother’s Day is fun.”
An everlasting love
Detroit artist, gallerist and educator Yvette Rock is a mother of five children, ranging in age from 4 to 20. She is the founder of nonprofit Live Coal, which works to transform lives and neighborhoods through art, community development, and education.
Rock said her children – Chosen, Temple, Cedar, Light and Arise Rock – partly inspired her to launch an initiative within Live Coal, a children’s art museum called The Red. She had a soft opening at the organization’s Piety Hill headquarters last summer and plans to have a grand opening in August.
“My kids inspire me a ton and part of opening a children’s art museum here in Detroit is because there wasn’t really one in terms of access and then trying to bridge that gap between helping kids and my kids being able to see how I value other children,” Rock said. “They’ve been a part of the whole journey of me opening The Red and I think they see the value in it.”
Rock said she involves her children in many of her projects, as they are often the subjects for her photos and paintings. In addition, she’s collaborating with one of her daughters on an art piece. Rock said all five of her children are creative in their own ways, including four-year-old Chosen.
“She loves to paint and act and sing and dance, so who knows what she’ll do,” Rock said.
The artist plans to spend Mother’s Day at Belle Isle with her family. Rock said one of the most rewarding things about being a mother is giving yourself to someone else unconditionally.
“They show me a lot of my character and how to be a better human being,” she said. “While it’s hard, it’s also a blessing. And there’s nothing like a hug from your child or when your child says they love you.”
A family affair
One of the reasons why Samara Furlong launched her arts incubator Buffalo Prescott last year was to spend more time with her two-year-old daughter. In her previous position as a curatorial researcher, she realized the hours weren’t really flexible and that she couldn’t bring her daughter to work.
“Museum workers, curators work a lot and people don’t realize how much it takes to do what they do,” Furlong said. “I started thinking outside of the box because I knew that there would be other parents that were in the same situation and I thought that it would be great to have a place where people are encouraged to bring their kids, not only the (artist) residents, but the community.”
Located at the intersection of Buffalo and Prescott near the Detroit/Hamtramck border, the nonprofit offers artist residences as well as programming for creatives and the broader community – and it’s 100% kid-friendly. Spray paint, sidewalk chalk and friendship bracelet materials can often be found on the tables.
Furlong said many art spaces are only for adults, so she wanted to make it easier for creative parents who can’t always find a family member or babysitter to watch their kids. One of the inaugural resident artists, Olivia Guterson, has a son, while current resident artist Evan Mazellan has two kids.
“I want to try and do as many events that are family-friendly so that you don’t have to have someone watch your kids, you can bring them with you. And it’s nice to be able to have the whole family involved,” she said.
Furlong is spending Mother’s Day weekend in New York with her husband Mark Furlong and their daughter. They plan to visit some family members and artist Molly Gochman, whose work often centers on themes of motherhood.
“Nothing beats her hugs and arms around my neck,” Furlong said of her daughter. “It’s rewarding teaching her things and watching her develop and grow. She’s very kind.”